I’m pretty sure most of you know this saying: Practice makes perfect. I’d like to argue that there is an important aspect missing to make this true. This important aspect is called reflecting.
To become a true master of any craft we must know the right technique. Without the right technique no amount of practice will lead to perfection. Let me explain.
I’ve been practicing Taekwondo for over 15 years and have learned a lot of techniques. Some I have mastered, but others I’m still struggling with. I may practice a move, a self-defense, or a kick, but it just doesn’t feel right. I realize something is amiss and eventually ask my Master for help. It’s often only a tiny tweak, but the moment I apply what I’ve just learned everything falls into place. The move that I had practiced so many times, that had never flowed, all of a sudden, feels right. It comes with ease, and I’m one step closer to perfection.
I would have never reached this point without reflecting on the problem, noticing that something is amiss and making some changes.
The same is true in any other aspect of our lives and in our businesses. Practice alone doesn’t guarantee perfection, we have to take the time to reflect. Without reflection we may practice the wrong move over and over again, and instead of reaching perfection, we build a bad habit.
I have written about the difference between urgent, important and busy work in December. What I hadn’t thought of then is this wonderful brief story by Steven Covey titled ”Big Rock”. It’s about the important things in life, not just in our business.
Meir Kalmanson was inspired by the story and made it into a short film. Have a look and enjoy. It takes only three minutes, but these three minutes are well worth it.
I’m sure you’ve heard them in speeches, presentations, and conversations: filler words, words like “um, ah, so, like”. Some people use them infrequently, but others seem to start or end almost every sentence with one. If you fall into the first category, don’t worry. It won’t distract from your message and is most likely to be perceived as being considerate. If, however, you use them repetitively, it may diminish your credibility as mentioned in the Forbes article “Four Ways to Stop Saying ‘Um’ And Other Filler Words.” And losing the attention, even worse, losing credibility, is definitely something we don’t want to happen, either in personal conversations or, especially, in a business setting.
The tricky part is that we don’t even know that we are using these words, we say them unconsciously. So how can we get rid of them if we don’t know?
As with all changes, the first step is awareness. Awareness of knowing if we use filler words and, if so, if we use them (too) often?
I learned about my “ahs” and “ums” after I had joined Toastmasters. Toastmasters is a place where one can … “practice public speaking skills, improve communication and build leadership skills.” I didn’t join because I wanted to get rid of the use of filler words (as I said, I wasn’t aware of using them either), but part of their program is, among other things, paying attention and eliminating them.
You don’t need to become a member of Toastmasters or any other organization. A family member or friend can help you find out as well. I recently told my husband that he has a “favorite” word and, like everybody else, he wasn’t aware of it. If asking someone makes you feel uncomfortable, use a recording device, record yourself and listen to the recording afterward, a suggestion made by Rezvani and Hedges, the authors of the Forbes article mentioned above.
Now that you know, you can do something about it, if needed.
Start by finding out when you tend to use filler words. Do you use them only in certain situations, or have they become a habit which you add at the beginning or end of a sentence?
In my Toastmasters club we noticed that many of us use filler words when we don’t know how to transition from one part of our speech to the next. Instead of being quiet and taking a moment to gather our thoughts, we sprinkle in a little filler word. If this sounds like you, you could pre-plan for such transitions with phrases like: “Let’s move on to…” or “Another important consideration is…” or “Let’s transition to talking about….,” a recommendation made by Hedges and Rezvani.
But being silent for a couple of seconds would work equally well, if not better. It’ll allow your counterpart or your audience to digest what you’ve said, especially if you talk or present something they are not familiar with.
Olivia Mitchell, a presentation trainer, recommends “chunking” your information. “Chunking is talking in short chunks of words with breaks in between the chunks.” Her reasoning is that instead of focusing on something you don’t want to do, you rather direct your thoughts to something you want to do. Also, by chunking you fall into a rhythm: burst of words – break – burst of words -break, and by doing so you eliminate your “um’s” or whichever other word you may use.
Preparation also plays a big role when it comes to giving a presentation, facing a difficult conversation, or preparing for an important meeting. Organizing our thoughts beforehand makes us less likely to ramble on and use filler words to bridge the gaps between thoughts.
As so often in life, many paths lead to Rome. So do methods or ways to eliminate bad habits or, as in our case, filler words. I learned to pay attention to filler words after I joined Toastmasters. Mitchell suggests chunking, quite a different approach.
If you also use filler words a little bit too often, try and find out which approach works best for you. If you know another way or method to get rid of these little buggers, share it in the comments below.
To fewer “ums” and “ahs” and to better communication. See you next time,
If you followed my Advent Calendar, you know that I shared some tips and food for thought for you and your business. The last one will be this blog: setting you and your business up for a successful 2021.
We all are happy that 2020 is almost over, and we can move on into a hopefully better year. There are things that are beyond our control, but there are also many things that will be up to us to make 2021 a good year. As you may know, I’m a big believer in planning. The reason being, without a plan you don’t know where to focus your energy and discern what is important. You may start projects because they appear interesting, only to find out that they are not the right move for your business at this point in time.
It takes some reflecting and strategizing to determine what your business needs right now, what projects to start, what projects to continue, and what projects to abort to reach your business goals. By the way, the same is also true for your personal goals.
Around Christmas and before the start of the new year is my “quiet time.” Most people and businesses take a break. It’s the perfect time for me to take stock and have a look back. I invite you to do the same.
The first step is looking back at what has happened the last twelve months, or whatever your chosen timeframe may be. What has happened, and what impact did it have on your business. Write it down.
Finding the Truth
Especially in cases where I haven’t achieved my goal(s), I dig deeper and ask myself WHY and WHAT happened. Be like Sherlock Holmes and find all the big and little things that have led to the current situation.
Please don’t fall into the trap of making excuses such as no time, no money… that’s not what we’re after. You may not have had the time, but there is often an underlying reason for that, the real reason. That’s what you’d like to uncover. You may not have had the money, write down why. The insights you’ll gain will guide your decisions for the next year or the time period you chose.
Maybe the cost for an assistant or a new team member is outside of your budget and you have to rely on the resources at your disposal. It means you’ll have to plan without having the additional help. Maybe a project went south despite a promising start. Figuring out why is essential for avoiding the same mistake(s). Maybe you haven’t reached the number of subscribers you had aimed for. Analyzing what happened will inform your next steps.
But it is equally important to look at the things that went well. Asking WHY in these cases will give you insights into what you should do more of. For example, you may understand what type of projects are a great fit for your company, you may find out which people you work with really well. You’ll learn what triggered people to subscribe to your new service.
Write it all down. The good and the bad.
Planning the Future
Now that you have a clear picture of where you are at with your business, you have to decide where you will go from here. Write down all the ideas, plans, and projects you have in mind. After you are done, take a close look at them and ask yourself which ones truly align with your business purpose and goals. If all of them pass this test, you need to consider the one or two that will have the greatest impact on your business.
You don’t need to discard the other ideas, projects, or plans. But focusing on one or two major projects will ensure that you stay focused and get things moving forward. It also helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed–at least some of the time–because you have too many balls in the air. A good rule of thumb is to account for problems along the way. Often things appear simpler than they really are. And experience has shown me that everything usually takes longer than expected.
This is it for me for 2020. I’ll take some time off and hope to see you again in February 2021.
I wish you lots of success, and may your businesses flourish and grow.
Sometimes we are faced with problems that seem insurmountable and far too big for us to tackle. We feel overwhelmed and we don’t have the slightest notion of what to do. Unfortunately, we have to deal with these problems or challenges if we want to or not.
It doesn’t really matter if these problems or challenges are business related or stem from your personal life. The way to cope with them remains the same. Here it is:
What is the single next thing you can do or action you can take?
Don’t think of the big picture for a moment, think only of the very next step that will give you more information, a clearer picture of what you are looking for, or any other kind of help. If you have taken this step, repeat.
The beauty of this approach is that since you are busy with finding answers to your next step you don’t have time to feel overwhelmed or to worry. With each step or action you take, you gain more information that will help you decide what your next step will be. And with each step taken, you get a little closer to your answer or solution or, in our case, our own home.
Here an example:
We bought our first house a couple of months ago. I found this to be a daunting undertaking, at least in the beginning. I had no clue about the process and felt quite overwhelmed thinking of the financial aspect and implications of it.
Here is how I climbed the mountain of questions:
My first step: I started talking with friends about purchasing a house. Whatever information I got, I collected in a folder. For example: tips when house hunting, terminology, questions to ask, things to keep in mind, contact information of people they worked with, you name it.
My next first step: I divided these pieces of information into categories: Financial, insurance, contacts, house criteria, and so on.
My next first step: scheduling a meeting with a mortgage provider to learn if we would get approval for a mortgage and the amount we would get approval for. There is no point in searching for a house if you don’t have the money to buy it, right?
My next first step: scheduling a meeting with our financial advisor to discuss various scenarios and ask questions about the long-term implications. This was one of the most important aspects for me considering that we are relatively “old” for buying our first home. This meant we had to dig up a lot of information and fill out forms. By doing so, we learned a lot but also added new questions to our list.
I’m sure you get my point.
Focus on the very next step, take it, and decide what your next step will be.
Do you take time at the end of the day to reflect on it? I do, (almost) every night. Most of the time I make some notes in my journal. I call it my Insights & Actions. I write down what I found hard and challenging, what I am happy about, what I struggled with, if it was a good day and why, or if there was something that I’m not so thrilled about and why.
For me it’s the key to learning and growing, both professionally and personally. Sometimes it’s a quick note to serve as a reminder. But sometimes it’s very specific.
Learning what worked and why is helpful to remember and to keep in my personal “toolbox.” Learning what didn’t work and why is helpful to avoid making the same mistake. It may not work right away, but reflecting on the good and/or bad brings it to your consciousness and gives you a choice: keep it, or lose it.
I’d like to invite you to do the same. Take a moment at the end of the day and ask yourself: what are the things that you found hard, you found easy, you are happy about, you are [fill the blank]. The insights you’ll gain are priceless.
Here are some questions to get you started:
Did I accomplish all I’ve put on my to-to list? If your answer is no, dig in deeper and ask why? What can you change?
At the end of a project you may want to ask what made this project go smoothly and why? Was it due to a person, a tool, preparation at the beginning…?
Or alternatively, why did I run into so many problems during this project? Were these problems preventable? What could I have done differently?
Did I take the time to read, relax, exercise, etc.? Your promises to yourself are important for your wellbeing. If you disregard them on a regular basis you may want to find out why and what you can do differently.
Or simple things like being more patient with your husband, kids, colleagues, friends also deserve recognition.
Tasks that pop up “unexpectedly.” Often these are tasks we’ve forgotten about or procrastinated over that “suddenly” reached their due date. It is something we hadn’t planned or even considered doing at a particular time or on a particular day.
Our instinctive reaction is to jump to the rescue at the expense of whatever we had planned to do instead.
Tasks that are on our to-do list forever. These tasks don’t move the needle of our success or progress in the right direction, but…. getting them off of our to-do list feels great, at least at the moment.
We think about these tasks as getting them “out of the way” and “finally off our to-do list” so that we can focus all our attention on the important work.
The caveat, by the time we are done with our busy work the day is over, and a feeling of dread sets in. Again, we haven’t done a shred of work that we know deep down to be far more important.
Tasks or actions that move us, our business or our relationship, or anything else for that matter, to the next level. These tasks follow one single purpose: deliberately following a goal and getting there.
These tasks are often scary, hard, challenging, something that may not come easy to us. We need effort, commitment, guts, trust in ourselves to do them. These are the tasks that, at the end of the day, allow us to grow, build confidence, make progress, create success, and find content and fulfillment.
No matter what we like to accomplish in any area of our lives, it’s the important work we need to focus on.
What is your important work today that moves the needle in the right direction?
Imagine this situation: A friend, family, or team member approaches you and asks you for a favor. It’s a small favor, you think. And without even thinking about it, you say yes.
A couple of minutes, sometimes a couple of hours, later you realize that this small favor is really cutting into your day more than you had bargained for. You start to move your own commitments and responsibilities around to make it all work. You’re angry, and you feel stressed. You wonder why you said yes in the first place.
How do you avoid this situation? Don’t say YES right away. Ask for a bit of time to consider your answer and give it later. This way you can check in with yourself and your calendar what impact this YES will have.